Marlene's speech at CCP

Here is the statement I gave at the Cultural Center of the Philippines, on Saturday, November 21, 2009, during the book launch of Warriors of Heaven.

“My heart breaks beyond description, for Renato and his family and friends. May his soul find a better place, a place without hate and violence, a place of bliss, full of love and light. As well, my heart breaks for my son, for my mother, my family and all those who love Jason.

I had expected today to be a day of celebration. Yet, today has become a day of mourning.

As I have recorded in my book, Warriors of Heaven, the last two years had been very trying for me and my entire family because our lives have been under threat by international forces. I was so afraid that my only recourse was to write this book, hoping that those who were hunting us down could see through my mind and my heart. I want them to see what lies inside me. And that I do not promote war. I am fighting for peace. I thought this book would be my salvation, my search for truth, for balance, for peace and for light.

I thought we had survived our trials for the past two years, survived those threatening our lives. I thought I’ve passed the trials of pain sent forth to me from heaven. Still today, the day of my book launch, I face a graver trial.

If my son is guilty, then I have no defense for him. If he is guilty, I have no words to describe how terribly sorry I am. I grieve for Renato’s mother most of all because she died the moment her son died. She died with him. And life will never be the same for her again, never. In addition, I grieve for his father and all those who love him. They too, died the moment Renato passed away.

To Jason, I say, if you are guilty, I beg you with all my heart to surrender yourself and face this. If you are guilty, then I have accepted your death Jason. If you are guilty, then I only hope that your life will ease the immense pain of Renato’s family. If you die and when you meet your father in the after life, please tell him that I miss him each day of my life.

Jason, if you die because of this tragic incident, please stay with me in spirit and never leave my side. Never leave my side, because I do not know how to live without you. As your mother, whatever you have done or not done, my darling, I love you just the same, and with every single fiber of my being, here, now and beyond.

Ladies and gentlemen, I grew up a battered child. I grew up poor and hungry. I lost my father when I was 17 years old. He died in my arms. I lost Jason’s father when he was 2 ½ years old. I believe he was murdered by international forces. I know pain. I know it very well.

I would like now to share with you a passage I wrote for my next book, Tales of the Black Widow. I wrote this for battered children like me. It stated:

“There is laughter where there is tears, life where there is death, love where there is hate, salvation where there is injustice and right where there is wrong.”

And if this is heaven’s way of forging my spirit stronger, and harder, by breaking my heart into a thousand more pieces, then I accept it with all my humility. I am nothing, nothing but a pawn to God’s will.

May I please ask everyone now for a moment of prayer and silence? Let us pray for Renato’s soul. May he find peace and salvation in the after life. Let us pray for Jason’s soul. May he find peace and salvation, wherever he may be.

Thank you.”

—Marlene Aguilar